Clem vs Daz - Battle of Light and Dark
Comments
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Oh sorry, I watched Last of Us and Clarkson's Farm and haven't had any GOT since, also need to rewatch Sandman ahead of season 2 but soon (TM)!
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So...I have somehow been pivoted away from GoT and am watching the Clone Wars cartoon?!?!!? I don't even like Star Wars. It is against my plan but all of a sudden my son is a Star wars nerd?!?!?! How? What is going on here? I guess I need another TV to catch up with Ned. And my Marvel thing has been postponed - 🙁 Presumably because my character was going to be awesome. But you can't defeat me. I WILL NED!!!! SOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!
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Game of Thrones S1 E7 - You win or you die
So the Lannister's are proper gearing up for a scrap - it's a bit like in Quadrophenia with the Mods and Rockers except nobody has motor bikes or leather jackets or...OK it isn't anything like that at all really. this sentence is going nowhere. Anyway - army assembled. They want Fingerblaster back and they are quite happy to go and attack Catelyn's castle to do so. Points to Tywin here also, the dad of the clan - even though he looks upon Fingerblaster as a piece of **** on his boot he is still gonna go in big for him.
In Winterfell, the hilariously named Theon is giving it the big one but nobody takes much notice and then a wild girl they captured says something about the White Walkers are coming for them.
At the Pink Floyd concert, some geezer's horse has come back without him and a bunch of gobligook I didn't quite wrap my head around happens but basically somebody is messing with Jon Snow. Jon's dog/wolf finds a severed hand...dun, dun, dun, dun, duuuuuuuuun!!!
What next? Uhm...Daenerys wants her hubby to invade the Seven Kingdoms but he isn't too fussed. So she goes off to try and drum up support, where she meets a wineseller - this lot are always thirsty for a pint but before she can neck it she is saved coz...it was poisoned! Somebody has tried to assassinate somebody other than Br(i)an? Well that did, the trick, now Drogo is all "Rage!!!"
Meanwhile Ned meets Cersei and she admits that some of the kids are not King Bob's but from some plentiful rounds of hide the sausage with her brother. Ned is gonna tell he says so Cersei had better do a runner. Now what's this...King Bob has been mauled by a pig? Are you kidding? He's been done for by a pork chop! King Bob says that Ned is boss now until his son Joffey is of age but Ned is all like no chance matey and writes "rightful heir" instead. He doesn't tell Bob about the kids though as Bob has enough on his plate what with losing a fight to some bacon. Of course Bob was drunk when up against the gammon steak but still. He says to cancel a hit on Daenerys but it is probably too late.
Ned and Littlefinger have to come up with a plan or else Cersei will rule via Joffey, so they are basically gonna have to bribe the City Watch as Ned is short on dudes. Ned gets summoned to the court where Joffey is now king as Bob has snuffed it, Ned shows them that Bob appointed him head dude but he gets ignored and then told to bugger off. Ned, as stupid as always says Joffey has no claim to the throne and this ends (yet again) in the killing of Ned's blokes and BETRAYAL! I told you you couldn't trust that Littlefinger geezer. Is this curtains for our hero? Is the PIXELS reunion just doomed? God dammit!
Fantasy Rating so far: 4 out of 5 Narnia's
Throne Rating: Throne to the max!
Game Rating:I have no idea what is going on
Ned rating: Geez, Ned, you really are quite bad at this...6 -
Game of Thrones S1 E8 The Pointy End
Let's just start with what a fantastic title that is. The Pointy End. I don't even know what it means but I will find ways to use it in every day speech.
Random Stranger: "Excuse me, do you know the way to the train station please?"
Me: "Ah yes, turn left until you get to the pointy end of the road and then you'll be there!"
RS: "The pointy what?"
Me: "No follow up questions."Anyway, in GoT land, Jon has learned that Ned is captured and accused of treason, Jon is worried about his sisters and seeks to go find them but his boss Mormont tells him not to be a twat and he is sure that his sisters are fine and oh yeah, you swore an oath to us matey. Some more of the mean boys taunt Jon about his dad and Jon decides to introduce them to the pointy end of his knife but Jon is stopped by some others and coz Mormont sees what happens Jon gets confined to quarters. Later on his dog/wolf is whining and so Jon heads out to discover a Wight (which is sort of a zombie)! Jon uses the pointy end of his sword to stab it but it isn't bothered. Mormont appears "Are you using the pointy end again, Jon? Didn't I tell you about that!". Jon grabs his oil lamp and torches the Wight. Oh I forgot to mention that earlier Jon had bought back some dead dudes from a party including Benjen Stark (OK I had forgotten about him too) who had gone out and been missing, so they torch both the corpses with the pointy end of some fire. Only the White Walkers from last episode can turn people into Wight's which I suppose makes some sense but then why are they not called The Wight Walkers? Is it some sort of disguise? They are not fooling anybody.
At the pointy end of the Mountains, we check back in with Fingerblaster who has been sadly lacking, him and Bronn bump into a hill tribe whose leader is the fantastically named "Shagga".
"She call me Mr. Boombastic, say me fantastic, touch me on the pointy end" - Shagga from Game of Thrones.
Shagga wants to kill them but Fingerblaster wisely offers him a record deal and so they agree to team up instead for some revenge and also some good old fashioned blood and death.
At Winterfell we have some blah blah blah, wait...some dude gets his fingers bitten off! By the pointy end of Robb's wolf teeth! Br(i)an is talking to a tree waiting for his next assassination attempt when some lady comes and tells him about a bunch of monsters and then babbles on about Robb and the army he's gathering marching in the wrong direction.
Robb and his army meet up with Catelyn. They are debating which one of the Lannister's to attack, Tywin or Jaime. Incidentally - in order to get to Jaime's army they have to cross the Green Fork of Trident and you'll never guess what? They will have to go by the pointy end! Of that trident! Robb captures a Lannister bloke and then, this can't be right, sends him to Tywin to blab all his plans? WHAT? Is this guy The Riddler or something?
"Riddle me this: My secret plan will cause you to sob, what's at the pointy end of my army? Yes that's right, it's Robb!"
I will never understand this show.
Fingerblaster is back home with daddy who doesn't care a bit but now Fingerblaster has a problem - Shagga will only release a single if Fingerblaster duets with him in the battle and quite frankly that aint his bag.
Drogo and Daenerys army are **** and pillaging which upsets Dani so she claims all the women for herself which upsets the warriors but good job, girl. One dude gets proper upset but Drogo introduces him to the pointy end of death but not before he is injured but then one of the women heals him. The women are witches! Of course they are.
In King's Landing - the Lannister's capture Sansa but Arya escapes after accidentally impaling a stable boy on the pointy end of her sword, Needle.
Various, some bloke I don't remember or perhaps we have never met, goes and sees Ned in prison and asks him why is he so utterly stupid to have told Cersei about knowing about her brother humping leaving him facing the pointy end of dungeon. Various also points out (from the end of) that nyah nyah, your stupid wife doesn't even have Fingerblaster anymore so basically dude, you are screwed. And you know what, it sort'a looks like he is right!
The captured Sansa is basically forced to write to her brother Robb telling him to bow down to (Not) King Joffrey then she begs for Ned's life. Joffrey says, "Well fine then as long as he totally kisses my butt". Sansa says he will, with the sweet sweet pointy end of his lips no doubt.
And that is basically that! I'm expecting some heroic Robb stuff next episode, the freedom of Ned in time for episode 10's sure to be fantastic PIXELS reunion! Will they hug? Will they dance and drink the beer? Will they introduce an alien Centipede to destruction from the pointy end of a games controller? Let's find out by watching now! See you in an hour or two with Robb's rescue!
Fantasy Rating so far: It's gotta be a 7 out of 8 Willow here
Throne Rating: A solid Ikea chair worth of throne-ing
Game Pointy Rating: Yes! I have never been on the end of such pointy!
Ned rating: Ned seems to have spent more time in jail than doing fantastic Ned type things but I am confident he will bounce back5 -
Game of Thrones S1 E9 Baelor NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
I'm not even going to bother reviewing this one. There was no heroic Robb rescue.
THE PIXELS REUNION HAS BEEN CANCELLED.
Fantasy Rating so far: 0 out of 100 Time Bandits
Throne Rating: Nobody cares about your stupid throne any more!
Game Rating: Oh I suppose you think chopping people heads off is funny do you Game of Thrones? WELL YOU ARE WRONG!
Ned rating: I mean...what is the point of going on?"Who's chair is this?"
"It's a throne, baby"
"Who's throne is this?"
"Ned's"
"Who is Ned?"
"Ned's dead baby, Ned's dead".
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Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!
This was the review I was waiting for! 🤣
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Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!
Maybe now he's been disabused of the idea of happy endings.
Reread the title of episode7. It's one with the fantastic title.
KGB
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LMAO, your review is pretty much the same review my wife gave after we finished watching season 1. After that she never wanted to watch the show again and it ended up being a series I watched by myself. I had read all of the books that were out at that time, so I knew what was coming
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See I thought this would be better than some Walking Dead nonsense, oh we have gone 2 episodes without killing someone, let's kill someone! But not Ned. Not until the PIXELS reunion. Why? Kill Robb, he seems useless. Why does Bri(I)an have seemingly eternal life? I have to re-evaluate the whole ranking system now and considering I no longer trust this show, who do I choose? Fingerblaster is getting sent to war against his will. The Lannisters suck and jesus Jon is useless. Maybe one of the Stark girls? Though no doubt they will be swallowed by a camel or something.
I need to grieve first.
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No you fool, Daz is light and Clem is dark!
For God's sake which one of you ruined the famous camel death?
It's a tough episode but don't be disheartened I'm sure the Starks will rally together and everything will be alright.1 -
No you fool, Daz is light and Clem is dark!
@ThisisClemFandango said:
For God's sake which one of you ruined the famous camel death?
It's a tough episode but don't be disheartened I'm sure the Starks will rally together and everything will be alright.Although to be honest George RR Martin is a sadist when it comes to the books, "oh you like this character? Nice guy isn't he? He's the main character and now he's dead. In a horrific way, like dead and then smashed his body to pieces"
Although he seems to have given up on thrones and will quite literally write ANYTHING ELSE
"Hey George it's your publisher just ringing to get an update on the winds of winter, you are currently a decade behind schedule..."
" I've written a page and half for winds, but I have written 4000 pages on what sort of fruit people eat in Dorne"
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I have been thinking about this and obviously I cannot accept this for Ned. So I have decided to re-write things and present you:
Game of Thrones What If S1 E9.5 but also E1 in a new series
Ned, our awesome hero was languishing in jail which, hello, he could easily have broken out of but then:
KAPSLADOEY!
The walls of the prison which Ned was about to escape anyway collapsed and three figures entered!
"Let's go Bub!"
"I agree with Wolverine", said Rambo. as he reloaded his machine gun.
"Their move, creeps!" said Robocop.
Awesome! Ned was saved! Whilst the terrible trio made short work of the guards Ned armed himself ready to battle. "But where is my steed?" he enquired. "Outside!" they shouted in unity.
Ned ran out and looked up at the towering being before him. "Are you my steed" he asked, trembling on the edge of awesome.
"Me Grimlock crunch!"
Awesome. AWESOME!
Ned jumped on Grimlock's back and soon the Lannisters were crunched! Then all of the heroes headed to meet the Drogo clan and mighty was the **** kicking!
"Yay" said Ned but then a time portal opened and out stepped a shining knight with some clunky bits and maybe the smell of Vodka.
"Ned! We need you!"
"What, who, why?" said Ned.
"It is me, Tony STARK, your future awesomeness!"
Their eyes locked and an air guitar solo suddenly played.
"Come with me...to the future!"
Grimlock and Ned looked at each other but let's be honest, we know what happened next.
AWESOME JUMP!
They awesome jumped into the time portal leaving the Game of Thrones to others...until they probably came back on a train from the wild west but let's not talk about that.
The...beginning?
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Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!
Interesting start to a new story.
@DAZ0273 said:
Awesome! Ned was saved! Whilst the terrible trio made short work of the guards Ned armed himself ready to battle. "But where is my stead?" he enquired. "Outside!" they shouted in unity.Ned ran out and looked up at the towering being before him. "Are you my stead" he asked, trembling on the edge of awesome.
But what the heck is a stead? Is this some strange British mispronunciation of 'steed'?
KGB
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No you fool, Daz is light and Clem is dark!
Stead is to replace someone and steed is my trusty steed.
However, I believe to quibble over a word diminishes the frankly awesome new storyline
If this was season 8 I would be happier because when you get to that stage..Well everyone gave up didn't they?2 -
Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!
From this point on, he can only be referred to as "N".
Because he's got no "ed"....
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Other! Fandango us with your daz-zling views!
@DAZ0273 said:
I have been thinking about this and obviously I cannot accept this for Ned. So I have decided to re-write things and present you:Game of Thrones What If S1 E9.5 but also E1 in a new series
Ned, our awesome hero was languishing in jail which, hello, he could easily have broken out of but then:
KAPSLADOEY!
The walls of the prison which Ned was about to escape anyway collapsed and three figures entered!
"Let's go Bub!"
"I agree with Wolverine", said Rambo. as he reloaded his machine gun.
"Their move, creeps!" said Robocop.
Awesome! Ned was saved! Whilst the terrible trio made short work of the guards Ned armed himself ready to battle. "But where is my stead?" he enquired. "Outside!" they shouted in unity.
Ned ran out and looked up at the towering being before him. "Are you my stead" he asked, trembling on the edge of awesome.
"Me Grimlock crunch!"
Awesome. AWESOME!
Ned jumped on Grimlock's back and soon the Lannisters were crunched! Then all of the heroes headed to meet the Drogo clan and mighty was the **** kicking!
"Yay" said Ned but then a time portal opened and out stepped a shining knight with some clunky bits and maybe the smell of Vodka.
"Ned! We need you!"
"What, who, why?" said Ned.
"It is me, Tony STARK, your future awesomeness!"
Their eyes locked and an air guitar solo suddenly played.
"Come with me...to the future!"
Grimlock and Ned looked at each other but let's be honest, we know what happened next.
AWESOME JUMP!
They awesome jumped into the time portal leaving the Game of Thrones to others...until they probably came back on a train from the wild west but let's not talk about that.
The...beginning?
I'm reading this in Elder Cunningham's voice from the Book of Mormon...
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Thin Crust
Definitely did not have Shaggy on my bingo card, well done.
Poor Sean Bean, he can't seem to survive any firsts. Can't survive the first LotR or first season of thrones.
1 -
@KGB said:
Interesting start to a new story.@DAZ0273 said:
Awesome! Ned was saved! Whilst the terrible trio made short work of the guards Ned armed himself ready to battle. "But where is my stead?" he enquired. "Outside!" they shouted in unity.Ned ran out and looked up at the towering being before him. "Are you my stead" he asked, trembling on the edge of awesome.
But what the heck is a stead? Is this some strange British mispronunciation of 'steed'?
KGB
That was the tenth can of beer typing, sorry 'bout that!
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Well it was nice knowing you Ned but I'm over you now, so I guess we press on with episode 10 a bit later. I will have to find a new crush (aside from Grimlock, obviously).
Edit: So having surveyed the suspects I guess even though he is sort'a evil, Khal Drogo has one of the better stupid names and he did kill that dude by melting his face, so Khal it is. He won't be as weak as old whatsisname was, I bet he can't even be killed! And his wife is like, what, part dragon? This should work. Looking forward to seeing you later Mr. Drogo. 😎
5
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